In two more days, I will have had these new knees for 7 weeks.
When I read the above sentence, it seems like a short period of time. But living it? It feels like a lifetime. Not everything in that lifetime of 7 weeks has gone as anticipated.
Oh, I scoured the internet before the operation, seeking the magic words of "bilateral knee replacement". I read the blogs. I listened to others who had been through the procedure. Actually thought I had it all figured out!
My surgery went smoothly. I have nothing but praise for my knee doctor, my hospital stay, and my physical therapy sessions while at the hospital, home, and now at the office. The doctor was quite pleased with my new knees at my first checkup. The therapists all have said that I am doing quite well.
It's only when you get to me, myself, and I that things don't go according to plan. And the biggest thing in my life right now is pain. Each day does get a bit brighter, but to someone who has dealt with constant pain for over a year, that tiny bit is not nearly enough. I want the pain to be gone; I am so weary of dealing with something that is wearing me down to a shadow. More tears have been shed in this last 7 weeks than I have ever experienced.
That light at the end of the tunnel? I want to be standing in it. And not just standing, but dancing. Soon!
My life recently went through a change. I had both knees replaced.
Both knees had been bothering me for years, and I finally had enough of the pain and limitations to go have something done. Now the operation, hospital stay, and home therapy visits have ended. Now I start going out for therapy.
None of this has gone as expected. It's all been much rougher on me, both physically and mentally. I continue to feel much pain. I call it a good pain, as now I am heading towards better instead of away, but pain still is pain. I have been enduring constant pain for over a year now, and I am so ready for it to be over and done. The pain brings me sometimes to the point where I cannot concentrate, cannot focus on anything that I had planned to do during my recovery. Then I fret about time wasted, and it brings me down. So I seek diversions. Out of everything available to me, what helps the most? Not the television, i tunes, internet, puzzles, telephone, or even my beloved books.
It is the small stuff.
I spent much time in the hospital after my knees were replaced. It felt as though most of that time was spent watching out my window as summer unfolded without me. I made myself a promise then and there - that once I was home I would not spend time watching out of windows as life went on around me. No, I would actively participate in that life, that season.
And so, each day, no matter the pain level, I grab my cane and manage a slow walkabout. It might last five minutes; it might last longer. But each and every day I get up, walk out the door, and savor what lies beyond my doorstep. It might be a new bird nest. It might be a curious weed peeking round a stone. Quite often it is an awesome cloud formation drifting across the sky. Usually I have a camera with me to record these memories, but sometimes I just want to savor the moment. Savor and store away to bring back out when the day is not as warm as today, when the green is gone from the grass and trees, when the warmth is a fleeting memory. Savor, and give thanks that I am still here and able to appreciate.
Life sends you wonders. They are all about. It is up to you to seek them out. Get going!
